April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Sexual Assault defined by the United States Department of Justice as sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Sexual assault is not about sexual intimacy, but about the power it gives the perpetrator.
But why is it important to recognize that sexual assault takes place? Why does bringing attention to this crime make a difference when it is not going to erase the problem? These are questions that have been running through my mind the last few days. I recently was part of an exercise that asked us to share a story about our best sexual experience with a stranger in the room. The majority of us were mortified. In my head I was trying really hard to justify why I should tell someone I had just met about something that was only between my husband and I. I do not even tell sex stories to my sister or my best friend. Put yourself in that position. How would you feel? After the facilitator saw we had mostly gotten over our initial shock at her question, she said “If you had this much emotion about sharing your best sexual experience, how would you feel about sharing your worst sexual experience with a stranger?” Light bulb went on.
As a Navy sexual assault victim advocate it is my job to step alongside a sexual assault survivor as they go through what can end up being a very long process once they have disclosed that they were assaulted. I hear people’s worst sexual experience. My job is not to judge them, it is not their fault. My job is to be a confidential, compassionate and a guide through the process. This can include a forensic collection kit which can take up to five hours, counseling sessions, long and sleepless nights, flashbacks and if they choose, a criminal investigation which might last months. So why am I bringing this to your attention? Because there are survivors of sexual assault who need to know that someone cares. If you know more about sexual assault then you are able to help someone who has gone through it.
Statistically 1 in 4 women has been sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Nearly 1 in 4 men have been sexually assaulted in his lifetime. 1 in 6 men have experienced sexual abuse before the age of 18.
How can you make a difference in the life of a sexual assault survivor?
By being aware that sexual assault happens to everyone. It does not matter the age, race, gender, sexual orientation or geographic location of a person.
Be compassionate. If they have trusted you with this intimate detail, thank them for sharing and then together find help for them. But let them be the one to decide where to go, whether they want medical help, counseling, protection from a repeat offender or just to talk to you.
Be present. Allow for open communication with the survivor. Put away your cell phone, computer and tablet and talk.
Be a confidant. Do not talk or share on social media the story of your survivor. People sharing on social media have been causing secondary trauma by creating gossip. This is detrimental to the recovery process.
Build a community that does not allow for sexual assault or sexual harassment to take place. There is now evidence that if sexual harassment is allowed, it builds a community where a perpetrator is comfortable and believes they can get away with rape. If sexual harassment is halted, the perpetrator knows they are not going to get away as easily with sexual assault.
If you have further questions please feel free to contact me by email and I can help you find what you are looking for.
Resources:
Many states have places for people to go in person, you can easily find these on the internet. Colleges and military have their own sexual assault groups that are specifically geared toward sexual assault survivors. Below are several organizations that have information and resources.
www.justice.gov/ovw/sexual-assault – The Dept of Justice has a map of the US for local resources
(military only) www.safehelpline.org
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